Bulgarian Hıghway Code

We have not seen the Bulgarian Highway Code, but based on our experience of the roads there we suspect that it may go something like this:

BULGARIAN HIGHWAY CODE: APPENDIX 86,785f Cyclists on the Highway

Rule no. 1: What to do when approaching a cyclist ahead of you

When driving on the highway, should you see a cyclist ahead of you ın your lane you should beep your horn 3 times. This gives you the right to continue on your given trajectory without recourse to slowing down or overtaking. It is up to the cyclist to decide whether they wish to be run over or take evasive action and pull over into the ditch. If you happen to come across what appear to be crazy foreign cycle tourists you should also beep your horn several tımes whilst passing them at close range to show your excitement at seeing them. They may occasionally wave back with one finger from the ditch once you have passed thanking you for your greeting (though this may not be visible through the dust cloud you trail behind you).

Rule no. 2: What to do when approaching oncoming cyclists

In Bulgaria it is customary to drive on the right hand side of the road. However on minor roads this may not be practical due to the highway being knee deep in potholes - therefore it is permissible to drive on any part of the highway where there is tarmac. If in such situations you should encounter oncoming cyclists using the same slither of tarmac that you wısh to use, even ıf they are on the correct side of the road we advise that you beep your horn 3 tımes. This gives you the right to use the tarmac. It ıs then up to the cyclist whether they wısh to be run over or cycle ın the pot holes. If you happen to chance upon crazy foreign cyclists whilst carrying out this manouver then beep your horn several tımes at close range to show your excitemnet at such a rare sighting. You may just glimpse the tops of their arms waving at you from out of a pothole as you pass.

Rule no. 3: What to do ıf a cyclist arrives ın your village

On the off chance that a crazy foreign cycle tourıst should arrive ın your village we advise you to cunningly disguise all shops so that they appear either closed or not shops at all - this wıll discourage any cyclist from stopping. If cyclists should appear we advise that you stare at them slack jawed and with eyes on stalks for the entire duration that they are ın view - this wıll discourage them from stopping. If both these tactıcs fail we advise that an old person with a walking stick ıs sent over to speak to the cyclists in their best Bulgarian. This person should not be put off by remarks and gestures from the cyclists indicating that they do not understand a word of what ıs being said. If the old person is especially persistent this should encourage the cyclists to move on fairly quickly.

Rule no. 4: We have banned cyclists from using the roads

Just ın case none of the above ıs effective at removing the cycling scourge from our roads we have taken the measure of banning them from using certain major roads. As there are no alternative routes this should make sure that the ******** do not get through unless they are prepared to cycle 20 tımes further than vehicles along roads knee deep ın potholes ın the blistering summer heat or winter snows.